Tag Archives: grief

The fallow to the harrow/Let me cry

I’ve used this face before. It is the careworn defiance face, a self-portrait of the wife of the patient, taken mid-December 2011.  Mark and I had been through hell, and we were so tired. If we’d known how few rivers we … Continue reading

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Two-Percenters/Finn (again)

“…and I know sometimes you cannot even breathe deeply, and the night sky is no home, and you have cried yourself to sleep enough times that you are down to your last two percent…” Finn Butler This week, my sister … Continue reading

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Exploding St. Paul

  I just found out that St. Paul Hospital is coming down. The implosion is set for 8 a.m. tomorrow.  My son wants to drive into Dallas and watch it fall. I’m on the fence. Mark died at St. Paul. … Continue reading

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All hallows, all saints

In my memory banks, there are two November 7ths that I spent with Mark. Our November 7, 1992 wedding, and the last anniversary we had together, in 2011, the day that Mark almost died. (Landmark anniversaries and new theologies) Trauma … Continue reading

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Prayers of the antagonostics

I am scared today God. Slept hard, woke up exhausted, spent, alone. Thank you for the quiet center in this space where you are. I apologize. I am very sorry that it takes a bulldozer, a crane, a trained hostage negotiator, sixteen mules, … Continue reading

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On the empty next

I have no idea how this turned into this and then became this I don’t know what my life will look like in a few short months when the boys head off to college. I don’t remember what it’s like to … Continue reading

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Cork, popped

In November 2014, I wrote about the bottle of champagne that was to be opened when Mark was finished with treatments, to celebrate life without cancer.  (So much for the power of cheap liquor.) The bottle lurked in the back … Continue reading

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