[Press interviews. I’ve done three so far preparing for next week’s premiere of RUTH, and have spent a lot of time talking about Mark’s cancer journey and the fall-out, and his death. I don’t mind talking about it, usually not. It helps keep him with me. But this morning, I see the weeks and months ahead of me, the unMarked life stretching out before me, and it is kicking me square in the chest, resonating, saying “Alone, alone, alone, I am alone. I am alone. I am alone.”]
Oh, my Love –
I’ve been talking about you, reliving the past couple of years.
Even witnessing it. Holding your ashes in my hands, even so, it is impossible.
Unfathomable. How can you be gone?
I’d thought I was past this, but hey, here I am. Disbelieving. Ungrateful. Angry. Resentful. Jealous of others. Afraid.
How is it possible that you are gone, that I am stuck here without you for the rest of my life?
I can’t reconcile it. It’s not real. It’s not possible.